


For Thine Hilarity- Oneshots and AUs

by Orlesiandandy



Series: For Thine Hilarity [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Gen, Other, Self-Insert, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 15:47:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3574978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orlesiandandy/pseuds/Orlesiandandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kayla and Sierra have an interesting life.</p><p>A bunch of oneshots, some AUs, some not- for my self-insert adventure in DA with my best friend Sierra. It's silly, it's fun, and we've had a good time with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tree Climbing

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I've never uploaded to AO3 before, so here's hoping I do all right.  
> This is a collection of sorts of things I've written for my self-insert universe, and I will be uploading as I write them. Modern AUs, spy AUs, in universe stuff- I've got 'em. In universe stuff may be spoilery for the full story itself.

“You wanna hear something funny?” Kayla asks with a nervous laugh as she peers down at him through the tree's branches. Fenris sighs, and leans against the trunk.

“No.” He answers, fairly sincere. As much as he'll never (maybe) admit he likes her, the whole tree climbing debacle is grating on his patience- not that he has much to begin with. He's still not entirely sure why he agreed to help her in the first place. It wasn't like he was an expert on the subject, and it wasn't as though she actually needed the help.

“I'm afraid of heights.” She continues on, ignoring his response.

Or maybe she did.

He stares back up at her, his demeanor one of true disbelief. Her fearful expression, combined with the white-knuckled grip she has on the branch supporting her weight confirms her admission, however, and Fenris is left with sheer shock.

“I don’t think I can climb back down.” She adds.

“Why did you even want to climb it in the first place, then?” She shrugs, the motion unsteadying her, and she shrieks as her limbs flail for balance. Without thinking he rushes to stand under her, arms outstretched in a way that may or may not imply that he would have tried to catch her. She regains her perch, and his arms fall back down to his sides.

“I just like climbing! I've never climbed a tree before, though, so I thought it'd be fun!”

He heaves another exasperated sigh, peering up at her. He realizes that, with the sun spilling in from in between the canopy of leaves the forest around them made, she looks rather enchanting. He figures the forest would suit her, if she didn't find the city life far superior.

He still doesn’t know if any place would ever suit him. The thought is not pleasant.

(It does, however, come with the realization that where he is now is not so unsuitable.)

“I’m not sure I can move.”

He sighs and, resigned, ambles up to the branch closest to hers swiftly. He’s about to say something- in fact, his mouth is already open and just waiting for sounds to stumble out- but then she tilts her head to look at him, and suddenly she looks more than just enchanting, she’s... She’s...

She’s beautiful, and she’s the first to ever receive that adjective from him.

He isn’t sure what is exactly that gives him that revelation- maybe its the flush on her cheeks, the worried set of her brow, the pout of her pink lips, or the way the sunlight catches on her short hair- but more over, maybe it’s the blue of her eyes. Blue enough that the sky seems gray in comparison, the oceans are mere puddles that Isabela sails on, and the lyrium in his skin are dull enough that they are almost forgotten.

His voice is lost.

“Fenris.”

There it is.

“Ah...” Without thinking, he leans forward, putting both of their weight on the already straining branch- and with a crack, it snaps like a twig beneath them.

The ground that awaits them does not grant them any mercy- Fenris lands on his stomach where as she lands on her back, both too stunned by the shock and pain to do anything but lie completely still for a good while.

“Fenris.” He tries to respond, he really does, but all he can grant her is a gurgle of pain as he flips over onto his back to rub at his aching head.

“Are we, like... Dead?” His eyes snap open to look into her wide ones- blood is spilling from under her head and his forehead, he’s fairly certain he broke a few fingers or a wrist and by the way her arm is twisted her shoulder is definitely dislocated- but no, they are not dead, and that’s something of a surprise.

“No.”

The absolute absurdity of the situation hits them both at the same time, and in the same way- laughter erupts between them, making the pain so much worse but neither of them can stop- and that’s how Garrett and Varric find them a short while later- covered in blood and bruises but cackling like maniacs.

“Varric.” Garrett’s voice is tinged with awe as they stare at the spectacle before them. Varric’s is very much the same.

“Yeah, Hawke?”

“You think they know it yet?”

The dwarf sighs and shakes his head, subconsciously running a finger over the crossbow across his back.

“Hawke, I’d bet my palatial suite that they don’t have a clue.”


	2. Fire Alarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a fire alarm, and Sierra's caught in the cold. Based on a tumblr prompt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU time! I like this one, even if the timeline is sketchy. (I'd link the tumblr prompt but I wrote this so long ago I have no idea where it might be)

The fire alarm went off at 10:17 PM, precisely 6 minutes into her shower.

Sierra was out the door and into the cold, unforgiving winter Ferelden offered two minutes after the fact- clad only in a towel, and dripping wet. Her teeth chattered like a jackhammer, her skin was riddled with goosebumps, and she could see her shaky breaths as plain as the night around her.

Aveline winced at her in sympathy.

“Don’t worry- it probably won’t last too long. Just a drill.” The ginger waited a beat, and frowned some. “Probably.”

“Great.” She muttered, accepting Aveline’s warm embrace with mumbled thanks. She wasn’t wearing a coat either- but she was at least dressed, and that put her leagues above Sierra in comfort level.

“Maker’s teeth, Sierra, you must be freezing!” She looked up as Kay entered her sight, blessedly surrounded in a mile of warm fur- and thought; salvation at last. Fenris trailed behind her, mostly dressed and obviously quite disgruntled from being pulled out of bed- or at least she assumed, judging by the ruffled quality of his hair and clothes.

“Coat, please?” Kay winced, and instead of shrugging off her coat like Sierra expected, she merely added to the huddle Aveline had started. Fenris, in an odd show of sympathy, followed.

“No coat?” She could have cried in disappointment and pain if her tears weren’t frozen.

“Sorry, sorry! I’m kind of... Unable to give it to you.”

“Unable? Why would you be...” She trailed off at the cringe Kayla gave, a blush nearly taking control over her face. And she got it. Anymore she did not need to know, and settled for being glad that Fenris gave off a great deal of heat when he was mortified.

“Maker’s breath, I’m surrounded by delinquents.” Aveline shook her head.

“Hey, it’s Saturday night, after dark- why must you judge what I do in the sanctity of Fenris’ apartment?”

Aveline had no response, or decided not to give one- either way, Sierra didn’t particularly care. All she could do was wince at the sirens as the fire department arrived- there had, apparently, been an actual fire somewhere in the building. Kayla pulled back and looked around with a sigh.

“Oh, is that Anders?” Sierra froze (in the muscle sense- she was already near frozen solid), and prayed that she could escape the evening without having to avoid everyone’s eyes the next day. Though that seemed impossible.

“Fenris, you think that’s him?”

“Why do you think I would care?” Sierra rolled her eyes as Kay huffed.

“I don’t, but if it is him he has a coat, as feathered as it is. Now would you please go see if it is him? Without glowering.” Fenris gave a long-suffering sigh, and panic seized Sierra’s heart as the cold hit her again.

“No!” Three pairs of eyes shot to her, and Fenris stopped moving. “I mean, you go, Kay. Fenris is so much warmer.” Not the exact truth- he was warmer, but Kay was softer and not nearly as tense. But they accepted her excuse for what it was, and the elf closed the huddle up reluctantly.

With faint amusement, she realized she had no idea which task he hated more.

“All right, all right- I’m coming, you don’t have to push me, Maker’s breath. Wait- is Fenris actually hugging someone? Call Channel 9- they’ll want a report on this!” Anders’ familiar voice warmed her face, but sadly the rest of her was not inclined to follow. Said elf tensed and stepped back from her, his face twisted up in contempt.

And that left her to Anders’ gaze. At first, there was nothing but simple amusement- that shifted into shock, and then concern, and then frustration as he immediately crossed the distance between them and threw his mantle over her shoulders.

With one hand kept securely on her towel, she wriggled in an attempt to get her arms in- that failed, and with a gentleness that made her blush, Anders tucked her in and buttoned her up without a word. He pulled her to his side. Kay went to her other, and grinned.

“See? I told you it was important. Poor Sierra was an icicle.”

“I could see the ice forming over her skin, yes.” Anders agreed, shooting them both a look that radiated disapproval. Sierra ignored it, instead inwardly rejoicing that she was at last covered and well on her way to warm. Anders, while not very bulky, was very tall- his coat fell past her thighs, leaving only the lower part of her calves and feet to fend off the elements.

With a happy sigh, she leaned her head on his arm- and had the pleasure of feeling his grip on her tighten ever so slightly as he shifted closer.

“Why couldn’t you give her your coat?” Anders asked, and Sierra could just picture the expression on Kay’s face. No amount of embarrassment would ever stop her from torturing Anders- and the result usually left them both laughing.

“Because then Aveline would have to arrest me for public indecency.”

“Indecency? Why would you be- oh. Oh, gross.” He had summed it up just as quickly as she had, and she felt the shudder run through him with a laugh.

“Cringe all you want- I happen to know tales of your exploits, serah, and I’m not afraid to use them.” There was a pause as they all watched the firefighters return to their truck, and declare the building safe to reenter. They all gave a relieved sigh, and Aveline waved the foursome farewell as she departed for the lower floor.

Sierra and Kayla chatted happily as they made their way up the stairs- ignoring the animosity between the two men trailing behind them as they did.

“Where did you get that coat, anyway? Not your usual style, Kay.”

“Ugh, I know. It’s Garrett’s- since he’s gone for the weekend, I figured he wouldn’t mind if I stole it.”

“He might if he finds out you wore it naked.” Anders muttered from behind her, and they both sent him a pitying glance.

“If anything, that will only increase it’s value to him. And I’m not entirely naked, just-”

“No.” Fenris cut her off, flushing scarlet. Sierra had never seen his face go so red before the evening- at least not from embarrassment. Wine often gave him a jolly hue to his cheeks that he refused to admit existed.

Kay shrugged, mercifully falling silent until they reached their apartment. She said goodbye with a wink, making Fenris groan and Anders shake his head with an indulgent smile as the two disappeared into the elf’s apartment.

And that just left the two of them.

Should she offer the coat back now, or wear it inside to give to him later? How did she thank him? Did she invite him in? Maker, why wasn’t he saying anything?

“Ah...” Anders averted his gaze, a hand coming up to scratch at the top of his head. His sudden awkwardness bolstered her courage, and with an entirely new warmth flowing through her, Sierra stepped up on her tiptoes and hopped a little to kiss his cheek.

“Thank you for keeping me warm.” She said as she fell back on her heels, her hands still gripping onto his shirt for support. A blush colored his cheeks as he stared down at her, more than a little dazed. Her hands moved from gripping to touching, sliding slightly over his abdomen; testing.

Something flashed in his eyes, and then his mouth was on hers.

It was hard to believe she had been freezing her ass off only minutes prior in face of all the heat she felt. It settled in her gut, smothered them as he pressed her against her door. His lips, teeth, and tongue did delicious things to hers- and on a moan, she found herself swept up in a whirl of emotion and pleasure for a full blessed minute until he pulled back.

“Um.” Anders blinked rapidly, stunned- whether more at himself or her, she had no idea. “I- I just- I...” 

She had the vague thought that Kay would appreciate the fumbling way he backed away, sputtering apologies her direction even as he looked at her like he never looked at her before.

When he disappeared behind his door, she remained- in awe of that moment, that dizzying sense of right. Pressing her fingers to her lips, she stared at the space he had left behind before turning and walking into her apartment.

Her small smile stayed on her face even when she realized she had left the water running the whole time.


End file.
